You Will Be Dearly Missed 

 
It is said that when an individual’s suffering is severe, they believe that there is no hope for it to go away,
It is perceived as a way to end the suffering, that they believe that it will put them out of their misery,
I believe that when an individual chooses to die, it is because one’s life isn’t as important as something the individual believes in,
The reasons include the combination of both heroism and a belief system that leads to an end so bitterly...

What is one meant to feel, or find words to say when events like these happens to the close people around you?
How is one meant to deal with the lost, except for having the feeling of lost, with no words to find to express?
Where do we find the answers that made him to think like so, which resulted in him taking his own life?
When I talk to people, I pretend I'm dealing with it fine, trying to not give my mind a chance to think, totally moodless...

I saw him the night before hand, though partying at NEXT, he seemed distressed in ways I couldn't explain,
I felt something was up but no way could I have predicted that it was as bad as it turned out,
He said there were many things he wanted to tell me, so much that I knew he needed to get it off his chest,
But he ended with leaving it to another time, but another time will never come, what was needed to say from his mouth...

What is one meant to feel, or find words to say when events like these happens to the close people around you?
How is one meant to deal with the lost, except for having the feeling of lost, with no words to find to express?
Where do we find the answers that made him to think like so, which resulted in him taking his own life?
When I talk to people, I pretend I'm dealing with it fine, trying to not give my mind a chance to think, totally moodless...

I sit here and now wonder, if I called him after the night, would he have talked? Would it have made events different?
I feel maybe I was the only one that could have stopped him, if I had just spent that little time to dial the phone,
Why Nick, why? What was all that you wanted to tell me? I wanna hear it, I wanna hear your voice one more time,
We miss you Nick, every single one of us, we can't deal with this knowing that you're gone, come back home...

What is one meant to feel, or find words to say when events like these happens to the close people around you?
How is one meant to deal with the lost, except for having the feeling of lost, with no words to find to express?
Where do we find the answers that made him to think like so, which resulted in him taking his own life?
When I talk to people, I pretend I'm dealing with it fine, trying to not give my mind a chance to think, totally moodless...

Tears are just streaming down my face, and my fingers are now just going crazy aginst the keyboard,
The words seem to be flowing, but no matter how much words I write, you'll wont come back or see this,
As you know, this is my only method to deal with things, but now who's thunder am I going to steal?
You're not here laughing with me, having crazy times... never hitting the stage again... you will be dearly missed...
 

This is a dedication to my friend Nick.

'I give you all I've got, to bring you back, it's not a lot, I took you for granted too much...' - Eleanor by Passendale

Lest we forget, 27th of February, 2009, Nicholas Buttifant, and the memories we hold, that we were able to share with him.
He was a talented musician, an inspiration to most, a friend.

Rest in peace...